Reavengeance
by x Varda x
Summary: Michael is looking for payback after the events of ‘Vengeance’ and has his sights set on McKay. Cue more of those bug monster thingies, guns, running around, blood, violence, torture and screaming… Set just after the events of ‘Life Line.’
1. The Sorrow of

**Summary** – Michael is looking for payback after the events of 'Vengeance' and has his sights set on McKay. Cue more of those bug monster thingies, guns, running around, blood, violence, torture and screaming… Set just after the events of 'Life Line.'  
**Rating** – M for torture  
**Disclaimer** – I don't own anything  
**Author's Notelet** – This was a oneshot, but for ease of reading, I've now split it into three sections. Please don't hurt me (flames are pain) if my medical stuff's incorrect. I have big books now to supplement my Wikipedia musings, but they're still not that clear and I'm not even going to try and pretend I know what I'm talking about. If you're really kind, send me a PM instead. Thanks and enjoy! Now, onto the pain…

_**Reavengeance**_

_**Section 1 - The Sorrow of…**_

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" John asked Rodney as he sat hunched over his computer in the main science lab.

"Are you questioning my gun skills or do you suddenly think I've become a coward, Sheppard," Rodney spat back.

John held up his hands and spoke carefully, "Of course not!"

John had to admit to himself that Rodney was a mess. Dark circles under his eyes gave away all the sleepless nights he had endured recently and the small cuts from the shattered glass were still visible on his face. Three empty coffee cups were by his computer and his usually highly animated body language was subdued and absent as he sagged down in weariness.

"I just don't want anything happening to you so soon… after…" he trailed off and furrowed his brow.

Rodney sighed sadly and then his head snapped up and he glared at Sheppard as his brain finally engaged, "You don't think I'm going to try something stupid do you? I thought you were my friend! How can you possibly think that?"

John stepped back slightly, "You just look tired, that's all. I don't want to force you to do something you'd rather not so soon after losing two people you were close to."

Rodney screwed up his face and for a moment John thought he was going to start crying, but he quickly recovered his composure, although his voice broke when he said, "Oh, so this is about Carson and Elizabeth? I should've known. Everyone's been walking on eggshells around me for days. In fact you're the first person who's spoken to me today as the others find it easier to ignore me completely."

He furrowed his brow and rubbed his sore looking eyes blearily. When he opened them again they were bloodshot.

John had also been saddened by the loss of his friends, but Rodney seemed to be suffering more than anyone realised. He said, "But it's four in the afternoon! No-one's even said, 'hello' or 'how are you today, Dr McKay?'"

Rodney grimaced and squeaked, "No." He then mumbled to the table, "And I don't need or want your sympathy, Sheppard. I don't deserve it."

John frowned, "It's a dangerous mission, McKay. It's likely that there'll be injuries. It's not a usual recon mission, we already know that we're going to be attacked."

Rodney snarled in anger and snapped, "I know! What if you come across another shield or a locked door? You'll look a bit stupid if I have to come and rescue you anyway." He calmed down slightly before continuing, "You need me on this mission or you could get trapped with them… or worse."

John said quietly, "Michael's hybrids are difficult to kill and I can't guarantee your safety, Rodney. We don't know how big the facility the people on P2Y-948 just told the Alpha site about in their distress call. We made Michael what he is, so whatever he does is also our responsibility

Rodney repeated, "You need me."

John sighed, "I know. Well, if I can't change you mind…"

"You can't."

"…I'll meet you in the armoury in half an hour."

Rodney nodded and went back to staring at his computer with a glazed expression.

John hoped that he had not made a terrible mistake, but McKay was too stubborn for him to talk him out of it. He could ground McKay, but could not really see a justifiable reason to do so. He walked out of the lab and along the corridor and thought that maybe the mission was what Rodney needed to get back to his old self. Reawaken the senses and show that he was still alive himself and he did not have to think about the dead all day on his own in misery.

* * *

A few minutes later, Ronon caught up with Sheppard in the corridor just outside the armoury.

"I should be coming with you," he grumbled.

"Well you can't. Keller hasn't signed you off yet and that shoulder doesn't look so good."

"It's fine." Ronon rolled it and ineffectively suppressed a wince.

"There, you see. If that happens when a clawed bug monster's running at you, things will get messy."

Ronon frowned and grunted, "Alright." He then stopped and John paused with him, "Are you still letting McKay go with you?"

"Yes," John ran a hand through his hair, "Against my better judgement."

"He'll get himself killed out there. He's way off at the moment. Spends all day moping around."

"I know. I'm hoping this will snap him out of it." John looked up at the taller man and said, "If he gets hurt it'll be my fault, so I'll just have to make sure he doesn't."

Ronon grunted an affirmative and then muttered, "Be careful."

John nodded and then Ronon spun around and stalked off up the corridor away from him. He sighed and shook his head. It was unusual for Ronon to have turned down a mission like that without a fight; he must have been more seriously injured than he was showing. But then a shard of glass in the chest was hardly a minor injury and John knew he would want to go on the mission even if he was turned down.

* * *

Half an hour later, John was sitting in the pilot's chair of the Jumper with Rodney loyally by his side in the co-pilot's seat. They were geared up to the teeth, with enough ordinance to start a war. John had insisted on full combat gear, including helmets, and Rodney was nervously fiddling with the zip on his tac vest. He usually wore a less protective science vest with the clips at the front, but John had forced him to wear a military one.

Teyla sat behind them and the rear compartment was filled with marines. None of them had dared to sit in the seat Ronon should have been occupying in the cockpit and Teyla looked at it sadly before her gaze returned to Rodney's curled back.

John spun around after his visual inspection and powered up the engines. He turned back to Rodney and asked, "You okay?"

Rodney glared back at him and his hand fell away from the zip and took hold of the P90 clipped to his vest, "Yes."

His voice was tight, but John nodded back at him and said, "Good. It'll be too late to change your mind in a few seconds."

Rodney remained silent as the Jumper was pulled down into the control room by the autopilot and he watched the HUD as Major Lorne and his squad followed in another Jumper behind. The Jumper suddenly lurched forwards and entered the active stargate.

* * *

John parked the Jumper close to the village which was several miles from the gate. He said, "Okay, people. You know the drill from the mission briefing. Teyla, McKay and I will check in and make nice with the locals. Follow us and keep your eyes open."

A chorus of eager, "Yes, sirs!" echoed back at him and he walked through the ranks and left the rear hatch with McKay between himself and Teyla.

He turned back and thought that Rodney looked even more awful in the daylight as the sun shone down on them and hid the horror that they were about to encounter. Faint dark bruises ran around his eyes and his mouth was turned down in a perpetual grimace. The helmet hid his short hair and the chin strap looked like it was way too tight as it cut under his jaw.

John allowed Teyla to take point and the marines brought up the rear with Lorne's team also following closely behind and studying the sparse trees and farmhouses for signs of danger. He slowed until he was in step with McKay and reached across to loosen the strap. Rodney did not protest or knock his hand away, but he sighed heavily and winced.

"Better?" John asked when he was done. He really missed the scathing comebacks and the lack of response was downright unsettling.

McKay nodded and smiled, but it soon turned into an expression too close to pain for John's liking. Sheppard patted him on the back and said, "Buck up, McKay! It's a lovely day for shooting monsters. The sun's shining down, it's nice and warm. We've got enough marines with us to take out a whole nest of giant bugs!"

John watched for any kind of reaction and Rodney's mouth twitched up a little and then fell back down. Sheppard was beginning to get despondent himself, like his friend's depressed mood was contagious and he had been infected.

John grabbed Rodney's upper arm and moved in close so that he could speak to the scientist unheard by the others, "Listen, McKay, do you want to go back? Because you seriously don't look like you want to be here. I can ask one of the marines to take you back to the Jumper and you can sit this one out."

Rodney did react to that one. He shook himself free from the Colonel's grip and frowned as he snapped, "I'm fine! What do you think you're doing?"

Sheppard moved to grab him again and shushed him as the marines were now watching and listening with great interest. Rodney seemed to realise too and spoke more quietly, "I'm just tired. I'll stay with you, kill a few monsters, unlock some doors and power down the shields and then when we get back to Atlantis I'll get some sleep." He paused and looked at John intensely, "Deal?"

John nodded and breathed, "Deal."

He fell in behind McKay and glanced around the scenery. As they neared the village where the distress call came from, the fields gave way to many more buildings clustered together with fairly high quality paths between them. There was no-one around and the silence was only broken by the quiet hissing and chirruping of birds and insects and the whisper of gently swaying corn in the fields behind them.

John found it unsettling and his grip on the P90 clipped to his vest tightened. He saw the muscles in Rodney's back ahead of him stiffen as he tensed up too.

They reached a large square with a dry fountain in the middle. The statue was of a strange four winged bird in flight and it appeared to regard the large number of people invading its square in contempt as its empty eye sockets peered back at them. John found it creepy, but it was probably just the deserted buildings and streets making his brain connect the two like that.

One of the marines joked, "Maybe they only come out at night?"

Several of the others laughed, but their nervousness was not lost on John.

Rodney said, "Oh, we're _not_ alone."

John spun around and was pleased to see that Rodney had his portable hand scanner out and was studying the tiny screen in concentration. He looked up and addressed them all, "I'm detecting several life signs, other than ourselves that is, underground. There appears to be a network of tunnels under the streets, possibly a sewerage system. Access points can be found in four locations at each corner of the town."

John went over and called Lorne and two others to them. McKay held the screen out so that they could all see it and John directed each team of five to take one access point and destroy all the monsters and any evidence of Michael's experiments in their designated areas. They also had orders to search for and rescue any villagers they came across. That was if there were any left to be saved. John made sure there was a gene carrier with a life signs detector on each team.

John finished with his own team, "Teyla, McKay, Perez, Martins, you're with me. McKay, any sign of the centre of this facility or any power readings?"

Rodney shook his head, "No, but if anyone finds any computers, I'd like to know, so that I can access them for useful data pertaining the whereabouts and current activities of our friend, Michael."

John was glad that the sudden activity seemed to have temporarily snapped McKay out of his sadness. But he could see the terror clearly etched into Rodney's features, even underneath the helmet and when his eyes were down turned to the scanner.

The other team leaders were organising their troops and walking away. Martins and Perez were talking in what they probably thought were quiet voices, but they seemed to want the others to overhear. Rodney's head twitched, but he did not look up from his scanner as they approached.

"I hate escort missions," Perez said. "This civilian will get us all killed and then walk away smelling of roses. It's just a bug hunt, what the hell's he doing here anyway?"

Martins nodded in agreement and John rounded on them and called, "Less of that, soldier! You'll protect McKay with your own life or so help me if he gets injured, I'll send you to the brig when we get back and you'll be the first one on the Daedalus with a one way ticket back to Earth!"

"Yes, sir." Perez said, but did not really sound like he meant it.

Rodney remained silent and the muscles in his face tensed where he was clenching his teeth. It was unlike him to remain silent when he was being talked about so openly and it had John worried for his friend and the mission in general. There was no time for him to have such doubts and he took out his own scanner and led the way to their designated access point.

* * *

John lifted up the manhole cover with Perez. Teyla and Martins flicked on their P90 lights and shone them down as soon as it was clear.

"There's nothing there," McKay said as he waited behind them and kept his eyes on the scanner.

"You of all people know it could be shielded," John shot back at him and scowled at Rodney's disinterested tone and lack of drive.

John did not have time to coddle the scientist so he double checked the entrance to the tunnels and climbed down the ladder. While the others followed him, he took a good look around his new environment.

The first thing he noticed was the smell and he was not the only one.

"Ugh, that's disgusting!" McKay said as he clomped down the ladder and landed with a graceless splosh in the shallow water at the bottom. "Smells like something died down here."

John was not going to disagree with that assessment. He glanced at his team in the gloom. The only illumination was coming from the circle of light shining down from the access point and the P90 flashlights. The tunnel was wide enough for two people to walk side by side and completely round like an old pipeline. The walls looked like they were originally brown brickwork, but a layer of greenish sludge now covered them. John wondered whether that was what was causing the stench, but he knew it could have been anything from the liquid under his feet to something they had yet to encounter.

Rodney had pulled a tissue out of his pocket and was holding it over his nose and mouth. It looked like his eyes were watering at how unpleasant it was. He was still holding his scanner in his other hand and pointed one way down the tunnel and his voice was muffled as he said, "That way."

John took point with Teyla and McKay was in the centre of the group with the other two marines behind him. The sound of their feet sloshing through the stagnant water echoed around the tunnel despite their efforts to make as little noise as possible.

Teyla drew alongside Sheppard and cast a quick look behind before she spoke quietly, "Are you sure Rodney should have come? He appears distracted."

John was glad the water masked her voice as well as it did, especially as Rodney was right behind them. If McKay had heard, he chose ignore the comment just as he had not spoken when the marines talked about him earlier.

John nodded, "Of course. He'll be fine. Just keep an eye on him."

Teyla pursed her lips, but did not say anything else as she fell back and allowed John to go first.

Rodney said, "There's another tunnel coming up on the right."

John held up his hand and they all backed up to the curved wall just before the junction. He listened for a few moments, but all he could hear was Rodney puffing into the tissue still crudely held up over his face.

John pointed at Teyla and one of the marines and then at the other side of the new tunnel. He counted down with his fingers and then left cover and crouched down as he angled his P90 into the new tunnel. He felt the others moving behind him and once he was certain it was clear he glanced across at Teyla and Martins next to him and Perez behind him. McKay was still hiding in the tunnel they had come from and sighed heavily as he rolled his eyes.

"There's nothing there," he said again in annoyance.

John could not help it as his voice rose, "We don't know that for certain, McKay."

Rodney merely sighed and frowned in anger. He lowered the tissue away for a moment, sniffed and shuddered, before he placed it over his face again with a wince.

John shook his head and walked stealthily along the new tunnel. Rodney spoke without bothering to keep his voice down, "About ten more metres."

John frowned and held the trigger of his P90 ready. The smell was getting worse and now he wished he could relinquish the hold on his gun to cover his face like Rodney, but he could not take that risk.

The tunnel suddenly opened out into a wider section with a metal panel on one side. He looked down at the floor and had difficulty keeping the contents of his stomach down when he realised they had come across the source of the smell.

One of the others was less lucky and he heard a retching sound behind him, he turned around and saw that it was Rodney. His face was a pale green colour and he was now at the back of the group, leaning over holding his middle and wiping his mouth with the tissue. Teyla was with him and she furrowed her brow sadly, first at McKay and then at the bodies in the tunnel.

Once the nausea had passed a little, John took a closer look at the bodies. They had been dumped just like the ones they had discovered at Michael's other facility. But these people had been dead for many days, possibly even weeks. The distress call had come from a man claiming to be from the settlement and had been relayed via the Alpha Site. The man had insisted on going back through the gate. But where was he now and exactly who had sent him?

Things did not seem to be adding up in John's mind. He tapped his radio, "Sheppard to all teams." He frowned when there was no reply, "Sheppard to Lorne?" Still nothing.

Teyla activated her own headset, "Major Lorne, please respond." She shook her head.

John said quietly, "Do you ever get that feeling you've been had?"

McKay straightened up and tucked the messy tissue into a small plastic bag and stuffed it in his tac vest. His eyes were wide and his mouth kept twitching as though he was trying not to vomit again. His voice shook when he said, "What do you mean?"

His question was answered when there was an unpleasant clacking and splashing sound from the tunnel they had just walked along. It also came from the other side of the room where there was another tunnel leading onwards. Rodney glanced down at his scanner again with frightened eyes, "The life sign…"

The metal panel on the side of the area where they were suddenly opened and John came face to face with another of Michael's monster bugs. The P90 lights flashed over it in the darkness and John squeezed the trigger. McKay yelped behind him, but he did not have time to check what was happening.

"We're trapped on all sides, sir," one of the marines shouted.

The monster John was concentrating his fire on took almost a whole clip of bullets before it fell twitching to the ground. John quickly reloaded and spun around.

His mouth fell open when he saw what the rest of his squad were doing. Teyla was with Martins as they valiantly held off the monsters coming from the side they had yet to walk along.

McKay and Perez were further away. John did not have a chance to think about how good Rodney had become at handling his P90 when a monster broke through their bullets and stuck its claw into Perez. McKay shouted out in surprise and John's eyes widened when he saw the sharp appendage punch right through Perez and come out of his back.

Rodney continued to fire, but John could not get a clear shot at the monsters assailing the civilian. He ran over as fast as he could, but he was far too late.

The monster who just killed Perez yanked its claw free with a sickening crunch and swiped at McKay. The limb caught Rodney square in the chest and smacked him into the wall. McKay did not have a chance to cry out as he lost all his breath and stopped firing. John was glad he was wearing the helmet as his head connected with the wall.

Rodney fell forwards onto all fours and John now had the clear shot he needed. He filled the blood covered monster with holes until it too fell over. He ran at McKay to try and save him, but another three monsters scuttled from the entrance. John shot at them and was deeply confused as two ran straight past Rodney and came at him. McKay was still on the floor with his hands in the filthy liquid.

He moved one hand over his chest and his other gripped the P90 which still hung down from where it was clipped to his vest after he had been hit. John could not see any blood in the gloom, but there was a glint on Rodney's vest. He thought it might just have been the water splashed on him, or a buckle or zip. He shouted, "Get up, McKay! There's another one!"

That got Rodney's attention and he snapped his head up just in time to see the third creature as it bore down on him. He shot it a few times, but it slashed at him and he fell backwards to avoid the raking claw where he had been crouching down. He landed on his back with a splash and the monster took the opportunity to bring its claw down and stab him.

Rodney's agonised scream made the hairs on the back of John's neck stand up as it filled the tunnels and even pierced through the sounds of P90 bullets slamming into bony exoskeleton for a moment. John dispatched one of the monsters coming after him, but he was still too busy with the second one to be able to help McKay. He fought with it desperately, but it did not fall. He had a fleeting glimpse of Rodney being dragged away quickly with the claw driven right through his forearm.

Rodney was struggling with the creature and shouting. He even managed to tilt his P90 up towards his captor, but the barrel clicked uselessly as his clip was empty. With only his left hand free, he could not reach his sidearm nor did he have a chance to reload his P90 before he vanished from the edge of the torchlight coming from John's gun. His shouts faded and then disappeared along with the man himself.

John finished another clip just after the monster attacking him stopped and fell. He kept an eye on the empty corridor and checked over his shoulder as there was still sustained fire coming from Teyla and Martins. The shooting suddenly stopped and the silence closed in heavily on John with echoes of the deafening sound bouncing around his head unpleasantly.

He went over to Perez and grabbed the dead marine's tags and pocketed them before he went over to what was left of his team.

Teyla's eyes widened when she spun around and discovered that John was the only one left where there had been three. John said, "McKay's been taken, Perez is dead." He turned around and faced the direction where the monster had dragged Rodney away and said, "Follow me, we're going to get him back."

He was just about to start moving, when a small, but firm hand grabbed his arm and stopped him.

He shouted, "What? We have to go now or we'll lose him. One of the monsters got him and who knows where he is now? It probably took him away to its nest where it could carry on doing whatever these things do to their victims."

The pressure increased and he spun around to find Teyla looking back at him with her expression worried, but imperious, "I believe it would be better if we find the others and get help."

John could see her logic, but he wanted to get McKay back and he did not think that even a whole swarm of man sized, clawed freaks could stop him now. He inhaled a deep breath of foul air and controlled himself, "You're right."

He pressed his radio, "Sheppard to Lorne."

"This is Lorne. What's going on, sir? We lost radio contact and we've been hearing gunfire in the tunnels."

John felt a small weight of relief settle over him that the radios were working again, but Rodney was still missing and hurt. He said, "Regroup at the fountain. This mission's gone south and has now turned into a search and rescue."

"Sir?"

"Send a team of two back to the Jumper. Tell them to get there as fast as possible and ask them to fly it to the gate and call for help. We'll need a medical team and another squad of marines."

"Yes, sir!" Lorne replied straight away.

John glanced back at Teyla and she gave him a tight nod of approval before finally releasing her hold around his arm.


	2. The Pain

**_Section 2 – The Pain…_**

"I have no desire to hurt you more than is absolutely necessary, Dr McKay. In fact, your suffering will greatly speed up the achievement of my goal. You should be thankful you are playing such a major part in helping me."

Rodney had been chained down to a table in a small room. The flat metal he was lying on was almost vertical so that when Michael approached him, they were face to face. Rodney's wrists and ankles had thick bands of metal around them and his tac vest and shirt had been removed so that his heaving chest was visible. His arm was bleeding where the claw had stabbed through him and his teeth were gritted against the pain.

Michael took a large needle and a Wraith scanner from one of the benches with an assortment of stomach turning medical instruments laid out on it and spun around to face Rodney.

He placed the scanner on Rodney's chest and moved it down until he found what he was looking for. Michael's expression altered into one of mock surprise and he said, "Now there was me thinking that you did not have one after what you and your people did to me."

Rodney harshly whispered, "One what?"

Michael took away the scanner and stabbed the needle deeply into the left side of Rodney's chest at the same time as he roared, "A heart!"

Rodney howled and writhed as Michael pulled the plunger and the syringe was filled with dark arterial blood. He drew the needle out and a thin line of red ran down Rodney's chest as his screwed up his face and whimpered.

"Now, now. It will not do to have you passing out on me, Dr McKay, or you will miss the most important part of my experiment."

He took another syringe from the table and Rodney flinched when Michael jabbed it into his uninjured arm and depressed the plunger. Michael smiled nastily, "There you are. That should keep you totally lucid throughout the whole procedure."

McKay's body was suddenly wracked with violent spasms as the drug flowed around his system. His eyes flew open and he arched away from the table he was restrained to and cried out weakly. Michael pulled another strap around from behind the table and drew it across Rodney's midsection. He buckled it and pulled it tight so that McKay's squirming lessened as he could no longer move so much in the restraints.

Gradually the tremors stopped and Rodney was left panting and jittering every now and then, but completely awake. He gasped, "What are you doing?"

Michael went over to the tray and selected a long, thin bladed knife and brandished it in front of Rodney's fearful face. He waved it about as he said, "Thanks to your team, I had to leave my last batch of hybrids and they were wiped out. What I need is to breed a more intelligent hybrid. You fell into my trap so easily, Dr McKay, and it really was only you who I wanted."

* * *

John ran back to the ladder and climbed up into the harsh daylight. Teyla and Martins followed him as he sprinted to the square and met up with Lorne.

John pulled out his life signs detector and baulked when he saw that there were at least twenty more readings coming from the tunnels. He organised his men and was grateful that Lorne had not wasted a moment and had already sent several back to the Jumper to get help.

"Where's Perez?" Lorne asked.

John shook his head and Lorne furrowed his brow.

John led the way back into the tunnel with a lot of support behind him this time. He thought to himself, "Hang on, Rodney." And willed the message to break through and somehow reach McKay wherever he was and whatever was happening to him.

* * *

Rodney was breathing heavily in fright due to whatever drug Michael had given him, but he managed to grind out in between pants, "So you're going to use me in order to make some more of those monsters?"

"Yes. I have been told that you are an intelligent man. I am going to use your genetic material to breed a better strain of my creatures."

Rodney struggled against the restraints, but Michael simply tightened them all further until Rodney could hardly breathe because of the pressure around his abdomen from the wide strap across him.

"Now there is only really one thing I need from you, but as you and the others from Atlantis have caused me so much grief in the past, you deserve to be punished for what you have done to me."

Rodney shuddered as the knife moved closer and he kept his wide panicked eyes on the tiny blade where he was completely immobilised and at the mercy of the psychotically calm Wraith hybrid.

Rodney asked in a trembling voice, "What do you want?"

Michael grinned at him nastily with his sharp teeth on show, "Blood."

Rodney winced as Michael sank the knife into his side just below the strap across him and sliced a line down to his hip. He gritted his teeth and hissed through them as blood dribbled from the wound and ran down the table into the collecting tray Michael had laid underneath his feet. Blood had already started to gather there as it dripped from the puncture wound through Rodney's arm.

McKay trembled and his voice wavered in time with his body, "S-s-stop! It hurts!"

"Good. Perhaps you can understand what I have been through a little better now?"

"What, being hacked up by a madman? I don't think so somehow."

Michael curled his lip into a snarl, revealing a row of sharp teeth. But Michael did not lose his temper and held onto his insane thread of calm with his fingertips even in Rodney's defiance.

Michael paused and frowned down at Rodney's legs. He said in a smooth unemotional voice, "Now that will not do at all."

He went back to the tray and returned with a pair of scissors. He slit the sides of Rodney's trousers and pulled them away. By now Rodney was gasping in pain and holding his tongue not to cry out as blood flowed from the cut.

Michael removed the central strap around Rodney's belly and pressed the point of the blade on the reddened skin from how tight it had been holding him against the table. If Rodney had thought of squirming away from the table or the blade, he decided against it, as any shifting would only cause the knife to hurt him again. Tears leaked from his eyes and streamed down his face as he drew in rapid shaky breaths.

Michael whispered gently, "Pitiful. I have not even started yet, Dr McKay."

Michael pushed the sharp, already blood-soaked knife into Rodney's abdomen and he could not hold back the tortured cry that left his throat this time and echoed around the room.

"Now, now," Michael said soothingly as he cut a thin line through Rodney's skin until he was bleeding again, "I have no wish to gag you, but if you continue, you may alert the others to where you are."

Michael cut Rodney carefully, not making any of the slices so deep as to be life threatening on their own, but enough so that Rodney was in absolute and prolonged agony and blood was pouring from him for Michael's needs.

The drug Michael had given him worked exactly as planned and he remained conscious throughout the whole ordeal. Rodney was in too much pain to notice the affect of the drug upon him. He was whimpering and occasionally a croaked scream was torn from him by the blade as it shredded his skin and he continued to bleed heavily onto the table and down into the container.

Rodney started muttering incoherently when Michael moved onto his uninjured arm. The knife cut a shallow incision in his bicep and then another until the blood ran down over the metal hoops and his shaking hand and dripped from his fingertips into the tray. The only words Michael heard were, "Carson," and, "Elizabeth."

Michael paused and angled the blade up so that he could press it against McKay's chin. Rodney tilted his head back as Michael increased the pressure to the point only just before it broke skin.

He asked, "Now, why would you be mentioning the doctor who created me and the leader who authorised such a godlike travesty of an experiment."

Rodney closed his eyes and furrowed his brow and Michael lessened the pressure so that he could open his mouth to speak. Blood continued to leak from the many cuts all over his body and his eyes remained tight with pain as he opened them and looked down his nose at Michael.

He gasped while barely moving his mouth, "They're dead! Both of them!"

Michael stepped back and dropped the hateful, bloody knife on the tray of instruments and flexed his fist as he approached Rodney again. McKay looked back at him with his eyes filled with tears and he whispered sadly, "They're gone and torturing me to death will never satisfy you for the payback you feel you need. I wasn't the one who did this to you and now there's no-one alive for you to blame."

Michael pulled out a small device and depressed one of the buttons on the innocuous looking box. He stood back and smiled nastily as Rodney watched his movements in terror.

One of the monsters approached and tilted its head, first at Rodney, and then at Michael.

Michael spoke to the creature, "Hurt him, but don't kill him."

The monster's claws clicked on the floor as it approached McKay. He struggled in the restraints and breathed heavily through he clenched teeth, but the pain and the chains binding him were too much and he could not get away from the salivating monster coming towards him. It puffed its foul breath over Rodney through its clawed mouth and he turned his face away in disgust. The grey shiny armour glinted in the dull lights inside the room.

The creature tucked its claws into its arms and slammed the flat part of what passed for a fist into McKay's stomach. Rodney sagged against the restraints as his breathing stopped for a few seconds and then he sucked in an unsteady breath.

Rodney looked up at Michael on the other side of the room and said, "Carson's dead."

"You are lying to get yourself out of this," Michael said quietly.

Rodney gasped, "No."

The monster snarled hungrily and hit Rodney's face hard enough to make his nose bleed. It then rested the blunt edge of its claw over Rodney's chest a pressed heavily until there were a couple of cracks to signify that some of McKay's ribs had been broken. It halted for a moment and then punched Rodney in the chest.

Michael said slowly, "I think I have enough blood from you now, so I have no other use for you except vengeance."

Rodney had his eyes closed again and he begged, "Please, stop! You don't have to…"

His quivering voice was cut off as the monster delivered a sharp jab to his solar plexus and Rodney could not breathe again. Michael called out, "Enough!" The monster backed away into the corner of the room where it awaited further instructions.

Michael walked back to Rodney, whose skin was now black and purple in some places where he was bleeding internally from the hits. He pulled the tray out from under Rodney's feet and poured the alarming amount of blood gathered there into a large, clear container and sealed the lid.

Rodney sobbed, "They're dead and it's my fault!"

Michael frowned in anger at McKay and took a clean knife from the table along with a small container. He said coldly, "There is still one more thing I require to complete my research and I am glad my drug has meant you are still conscious and can feel everything I am doing to you."

Rodney stopped moving and sniffed. He looked at Michael with his eyes wide and tried to get away as Michael pressed his hand against Rodney's side in a death grip and pinned him immobile to the slab using his Wraith strength.

McKay squirmed his hips and struggled, but the massive amount of blood he had lost and the pain was too much for him to get any ground on Michael. The Wraith pulled Rodney's legs apart and cooed at him, "Now, do not make me restrain you so tightly again, Dr McKay. This will be so much easier if you do not resist."

Michael moved the knife forwards between Rodney's legs and McKay suddenly got his strength back when he realised what was about to happen. He yanked against the restraints and managed to wriggle himself free from the grip. The knife nicked his inner thigh as he used his feet to squirm in the restraints and moved himself away from his near castration.

Michael stood up straight and said, "Very well. If that is how you would like to play it…"

He drew out his stunner and shot Rodney in the chest. McKay arced away from the table as his muscles tensed up and then fell back down and went completely limp, but his eyes were still open and darted around in panic.

Michael said, "Ah, I may have forgotten to mention, but the drug I gave you means that you will stay conscious, but remain immobile even after being stunned. There is nothing you can do."

Michael walked very slowly over to Rodney's still form and Rodney closed his eyes as Michael brought the knife forwards again.

An alarm suddenly went off just as Michael was about to cut through the material of Rodney's boxers and he ran back to his equipment and cursed, "No! How could they have broken through the defences? Never mind." He glanced over at Rodney where he lay strapped to the slab and was still bleeding out onto the metal from all the cuts. His eyes widened when he looked at the monitor again and he muttered in fury, "There is not enough time! I must have a proper sample or my experiment will fail!"

Rodney's face was pale and shining with sweat. His eyes slowly closed as he fought a losing battle with consciousness due to his desanguination. The Wraith grabbed another syringe and went back over to McKay. He jabbed it into Rodney's neck and pressed the plunger. After he pulled it out, Rodney's muscles went into spasm and he convulsed for several seconds.

Michael said, "Another dose should keep you nicely lucid and mean that you can move again even after being stunned."

Rodney went completely limp after the flailing stopped. He drew in a shaky breath and said, "Why don't you just hurry up and kill me and then you can take whatever you need."

Michael grabbed the knife again and said, "Now where is the spirit of revenge in you? I would take no enjoyment over killing you, Dr McKay."

Michael walked over to him and released the restraints around his wrists and ankles and did not bother to catch him as he pitched forwards and landed in a crumpled heap. Rodney immediately curled up and drew his knees to his chest as he groaned. He wrapped his working arm around his bleeding and battered torso as he continued to sob and moan both Carson and Elizabeth's names miserably.

Rodney gasped as Michael pulled him upright with a strong hand under his arm and then curled the same arm around Rodney's neck as he pressed the point of the blade against McKay's already torn up and bleeding side. The creature in the corner looked on and to anyone coming through the door, it was hidden in shadow.

"Well then what _are_ you doing?" Rodney wheezed through the choke hold Michael had on him. The grip tightened and Rodney's pale face took on an even unhealthier pallor as what little blood he had left inside him along with the oxygen flow to his brain were restricted. He moved his hand up desperately as his other arm hung uselessly by his side, but his fingers merely scrabbled against Michael's sleeve and he did not have the strength to pry away the grip.

"Right now this is called assurance."

Rodney did not have the breath or the time to ask him to elaborate before the door to the room they were in was suddenly kicked open.


	3. And The Loss

**_Section 3 – And The Loss_**

John stood there with his P90 raised at Michael in the room he had found. The Wraith was very cunning though as he kept changing his position behind his hostage so that it was impossible to get a clear shot.

The rest of the rescue party were still in the tunnels, fighting off the last of the monsters. John had left them behind and gone after a small cluster of life signs and what he hoped would be his missing teammate.

Ronon had also come with the extra squad of marines and his blaster was making short work of the creatures. John knew that had Carson still been around, even the stubborn Scottish doctor's threats of violence would not have stopped him. As soon as Ronon had met up with John in the tunnels, the first thing he grumbled was, "I should've come with you anyway."

John did not take his eyes off or even blink at the situation in front of him. He was shocked at Rodney's appearance, barely clad, bleeding, bruised and crying in pain and felt anger simmering away inside him. Michael had obviously tortured Rodney and right when he was feeling down emotionally too. John did not like the chances of McKay surviving such horrendous treatment when any strength he had once had had already sapped over the loss of two of his friends so recently. Would he be able to find anything in his heart to cling onto to keep him from giving up? John hoped so, but Rodney's ebb was so diminished at the moment it was hard for John to find that hope.

John knew his heart would finally snap if he lost Rodney that day so soon after Carson and Elizabeth. He resolved that he would get McKay out of there, no matter what it took.

John asked, "You alright, McKay?"

Rodney winced and blinked at Sheppard. His eyes were wide and even at this distance John could see the pupils dilated so much that there was no trace of blue left in the agony filled depths.

He mumbled, "Not really."

Michael took the opportunity to press the blade more forcefully against Rodney's side and the scientist drew in a sharp breath as he screwed up his face and whimpered when his whole body flinched.

John muttered, "Sadistic bastard."

Under the smell of decay still permeating the room from the tunnel behind John, there was also the harsh metallic scent of blood. Which also signified pain. As much as it tore at John, he realised that a lot of the blood and pain was now Rodney's as well as the murdered villagers.'

Rodney's eyes snapped open again and he peered across at John. He whispered through the strangle hold, "They're dead. Carson and Elizabeth. Both gone forever."

John nodded and drawled, "That's right. You knew that already though, didn't you?"

Rodney shuddered and his jaw trembled as tears poured down his face.

"Let him go," John called to Michael.

"Now, why would I want to do that?"

Rodney was flagging and Michael was finding it increasingly difficult to hold him up. His shiny face was also changing to an even paler shade of blue due to the pressure around his neck now supporting nearly his whole body weight.

"Because if you don't I'll kill him so that I can get to you."

Rodney looked up again and furrowed his brow sadly and the look tore at John's heart. If only he could say that he was bluffing, but he needed it to be real for Michael, so he held his ground and gave no quarter.

"You are lying," Michael said slowly. "Why would you kill your teammate and why did you even bother coming to save him if you have no desire for him to live?"

John smiled, "Because he's been a bit useless of late and this would be so much easier than just shipping him back home." John shrugged nonchalantly, but kept his gun raised, "It would save a hell of a lot of paperwork and I'm more of an action kinda guy."

Rodney closed his eyes and his rapid breaths wheezed through his crushed airway.

Michael narrowed his eyes and said, "If that is the case, then I shall save you the bother."

He moved the blade away from Rodney's side and round between them, so that John could not see what was happening. Rodney suddenly stiffened up and a strangled cry came up his restricted windpipe and fled his mouth.

Michael purposefully moved his arm back and withdrew the knife from between them. It was now covered in blood. He seemed to realise that the game was over and that he had gone too far. He said into Rodney's ear, "Perhaps I should thank you for killing Doctors Beckett and Weir, but you were there when I was created too and had the power to stop the experiment, so you _deserve_ this."

Michael suddenly pulled out a stunner from his thigh holster and started shooting at John. Sheppard dived for cover and turned in time to see Rodney being shoved forwards onto the floor. McKay was too weak to move his hands out and save himself during the fall and his chest heavily slammed into the floor first with a nasty slap. Michael pressed a control at his console and vanishing like a dart had just scooped him up. A monster hybrid suddenly leapt out of the shadows on one side of the room and went straight for Rodney.

John ran over and crouched down over Rodney to protect him as he fired his P90 into the creature. He placed a hand on Rodney's back and could feel the other man's trembling through his fingers. His skin was frighteningly cold, but John would have to wait to help him as soon as the immediate danger had passed. He spun the P90 around and took the monster down in a flail of limbs and a nasty wet crunching sound.

John quickly glanced around the room at the equipment and saw that there was a worrying amount of blood in a container and several vials and needles along with bloody medical instruments on a tray on a table nearby. There was also a metal slab with loosened restraints and the entire surface was darkened with blood. John felt horror rising in his throat over what Michael had been doing to Rodney, but he had a more pressing concern with the physical injuries the crazed hybrid had inflicted and keeping McKay alive until the medical team reached him.

Rodney was lying facedown on the floor and sobbing. His pale shoulders shook with each gasped inhalation and a small puncture wound from the knife could be seen in his lower back. Watery blood trickled from the injury, but John knew there was likely to be far more going on internally if he had been stabbed as deeply as the knife had shown. His forearm was a mess where the claw had punched through him and his entire arm was shining with blood, which was garishly bright and harsh against the whiteness of his skin.

John pulled bandages out of his tac vest and placed one over Rodney's back and wrapped the other around his arm, which seemed to be the wounds bleeding the most. Although looking at him, it appeared that even relatively minor and shallow cuts were bleeding far more than they should have been. John took off his jacket and wrapped Rodney's upper body tightly in the material. Rodney only responded to the pain and John was shocked that he was still conscious with such injuries.

He tapped his radio as he kept up the pressure on the stab wound, "Sheppard to Lorne. I've got McKay. Is that medical team here yet?"

There was no reply because at that very moment Lorne came into the room and swept around all the corners with his gun before he waved behind him. "Clear."

Ronon, Teyla, Dr Keller and a number of medical staff rushed in and swarmed around John and Rodney on the floor.

Lorne came over to John, "The surface team just reported a dart leaving the area, sir. They weren't able to shoot it down and the Jumper was too far away for them to give chase."

John was disappointed, but simply nodded. He was just glad they had wiped out another one of Michael's labs and got to Rodney. Whether they had been in time to save him he was not sure. Dr Keller was still an unknown quantity, unlike Carson who he would never have questioned or doubted had he still been around. Then again, John thought that the state Rodney was currently in might be too far gone for even Carson to have stood a chance at saving him.

Jennifer and her team cut away the jacket John had wrapped around Rodney and she glanced at his quaking body and clammy pale skin for a moment. The team quickly wound bandages around his abdomen and arms and placed thicker pads over the more profusely bleeding cuts. She narrowed her eyes as she attached a heart monitor cable to his finger. The device at the other end immediately started bleeping very fast and an alarm sounded.

Jennifer frowned and then announced, "He's in hypovolemic shock! Start IV lines and get some oxygen on him." She turned to John with her eyes wide, "How much blood has he lost?"

John furrowed his brow, "I don't know, but that container over there has quite a lot inside." He indicated the sealed tray that Michael had left behind. The vessel had clear sides and the dark liquid within had a reddish tint and was obviously blood.

Rodney suddenly started to convulse and John looked on as the medical team struggled to hold him still. A new kind of alarm sounded from the heart monitor and Jennifer called out for the defibrillator. She checked the floor, but there was no water in this room from the tunnels. The team had not yet had a chance to insert the IV lines.

The med team removed the oxygen mask and placed the protective pads on Rodney's chest and Jennifer rested the paddles over them. She called out, "Clear!" And then Rodney jolted as the electricity was slammed through his faltering heart.

One of her team immediately started compressing Rodney's chest when Jennifer pulled the paddles away and another used a hand pump attached to a mask over Rodney's face to give him air.

Jennifer stared intently at the tiny screen and announced, "Okay, we've got him!" The compressions stopped and the oxygen mask was replaced.

"Carson?" McKay moaned as Keller and her team rolled him over onto a backboard and inserted IV lines in his arms. One of them kept their hand under him and maintained pressure on the stab wound. John stood nearby and held the bags up as they drained fluid into Rodney's almost empty veins.

"No, Rodney, it's Jennifer. We're taking you home."

"Elizabeth?"

Jennifer frowned and grabbed a penlight out of her pocket. She crouched down near Rodney's head and pulled his eyelids open and flashed the light across each of his eyes in turn.

She said, "Pupils are both dilated and non-reactive." She placed her gloved hands on either side of his head and carefully checked him over, "No external signs of trauma except for some bruising around his nose." She pointed at the table where Michael's equipment was laid out and said, "Colonel, grab all those vials over there and put them in my med bag. I think he's been drugged."

John passed the IV bags to Teyla and did as she had asked.

They covered Rodney in blankets and strapped him down securely to the backboard. Jennifer looked up at John and said, "We need to get him back to Atlantis as quickly as possible, he needs transfusions and surgery or we'll lose him again."

John nodded and grabbed the end of the stretcher at Rodney's head as Ronon took the other end. Teyla kept her expression neutral as she went alongside them and they hastily moved to the nearest exit in the underground tunnel network.

Several marines stayed in the lab, tunnels and on the surface to keep it secure while they waited for the clean up crews and to make sure that Michael did not return.

* * *

John sat in the pilot's seat of the Jumper and pushed it with all the speed he could draw together from the deepest recesses of the neural interface link. At that moment he did not care whether he burnt the engines out as long as they reached Atlantis before Rodney's heart gave up pumping to keep him alive permanently. He knew that next time even the best medical staff from Atlantis might not be able to restart it.

Questions chased around in his mind, as visions of Rodney lying crumpled and broken flashed vividly past his sight. He could not risk turning around to look at his friend as that would slow them down. And the sight of all the blood in his memory was enough.

What unbearable suffering and torment had Rodney just endured alone? What had it been like to be strapped to the table and wondering whether rescue would come before the agony was too much and death closed in?

Rodney would be changed after this, John knew that almost for certain. Whatever had happened, the aftermath had been harrowing and the wounds inflicted on Rodney were horrific. It appeared to be too much for a man to take and live on unscathed. If Rodney ever recovered from the injuries, John knew he would never be the same man again. John dreaded what the effect would be on his friend and wondered if there was any chance that he could ever be brought back to his same self before his capture and torture.

Rodney had only been missing for an hour. Yet in the Pegasus Galaxy, or indeed anywhere where there was danger at every turn, only a second could mean life, death or terrible pain at the hands of an enemy.

Why hadn't Michael just killed him? How could a living being do this to another? How could Michael feel so much hate inside that he would want to make another creature with a soul bleed like he had done to Rodney?

McKay was still not trained for this and he was a civilian scientist with the wrong temperament to deal with it. This is not what he signed up for. John knew Rodney was down before he went as well. Maybe he had been trying to prove something by going on such a dangerous mission.

John punched the symbols on the DHD and did not bother to slow down as the gate pooled blue and he sent through and had his IDC confirmed.

* * *

The human body's ability to bounce back and recover even after terrible injuries was something John was familiar with, but it still astounded him when he saw it happening in front of his own eyes. He had witnessed men with multiple gunshot wounds returning to active duty in a matter of months. And now Rodney was slowly recovering from the nearly mortal injuries that had been inflicted on him by Michael and his creatures.

John leant over McKay in the infirmary and said sternly, "Don't poop out on us, Rodney. I know Carson and Elizabeth are gone, but that's no excuse for you to follow them."

Rodney remained unresponsive and shivering even though he seemed to be unconscious as the meds helped him to fight the fever from the infection caused by the filthy water and instruments used on him to inflict the wounds. It had taken hold soon after he returned to Atlantis and the surgery and transfusions had stabilised him.

His face was deathly pale and dark bruising ran from his nose right up around both of his eyes. His torso was thickly bandaged and IV lines drained fluids into him. There was a red bag giving him a transfusion as the medical staff worked to replace all the blood he had lost in his near exsanguination. All in all, he was a complete wreck. John was secretly impressed at the Lantean medical staff and newcomer Dr Keller for salvaging and patching Rodney up when he had been just a frail shell of his former self after what Michael had done to him.

John thought for a moment about what to say, "There's your sister for a start. Think about her. What would Jeannie say to me if I told her you'd given up like this?"

John smiled, "Teyla and Ronon would be really angry with me too. Who's going to save them if you aren't here? In fact, who's going to save Atlantis and the Pegasus Galaxy from the Wraith and the Replicators if you aren't? I can't imagine Zelenka having much luck at doing your job."

There was a soft hitch in Rodney's breathing and a quiet voice floated up to John from the bed, "Don't you ever stop talking?"

John's smile broadened into a grin, "Not if you keep sleeping, McKay."

"I'm not asleep."

Rodney kept his eyes closed and trembled. John frowned and waved Keller over as he asked, "How're you feeling?"

"Oh, super duper. Like I could run a mile," Rodney replied heavily. "That is, if I could move my arm without screaming." He trembled and asked, "Why's it so cold in here?"

John smiled at the response and glanced at the cast on Rodney's right forearm. It stretched from his elbow and enclosed his whole hand. Keller told him that the claw had pushed through between the two bones, but then it had sliced up his arm until it was resting against the other bones of Rodney's wrist. Keller had said he was lucky the thing had not pulled his hand right off.

John patted Rodney's shoulder, "Keller's coming with the drugs. You'll be alright, just ride it out for a moment."

Rodney's eyes opened tiredly and he looked at Sheppard sadly, "I think I've 'ridden' out as much pain as I can stand recently, John."

Sheppard furrowed his brow at Rodney and Keller reached them. She checked Rodney's monitors and said reassuringly, "That's amazing. Your temperature's right down, blood pressure rising back up to normal. You should be right as rain in a few days."

John smiled and Rodney grimaced. Keller's face fell, "Are you in pain?"

Rodney ground out, "That much should be obvious."

Jennifer frowned, "You should've told me straight away!"

John smirked and waggled his finger at the scientist, "Dr Keller's not telepathic like Carson, McKay. Tell the good doctor where it hurts."

Rodney's face had fallen in grief at the mention of his lost friend's name and he said nothing. John frowned in concern and turned to Keller, "He said he's cold and his arm still hurts."

Jennifer nodded and injected his IV line. She went away and came back with another blanket and laid it over him. Rodney had turned his head to the side and was staring at the wall without blinking. Jennifer squeezed his shoulder and asked, "Is that better, Dr McKay?"

He did not flinch or move to acknowledge her and John shrugged, "Probably. Thanks."

Jennifer let go of Rodney and addressed John, "Can I have a word, Colonel?" John nodded and she looked down at Rodney as she said, "Holler at me again if you need anything, Doctor."

McKay blinked and mumbled, "Call me Rodney."

Jennifer smiled sadly and John followed her as she led him into her lab and closed the door.

John waited for her to speak as she went over to her computer and glanced at the screen briefly before turning around to face him. She said, "I've just finished the analysis of the drug Michael gave him." She sighed with her face pinched in sympathy and concern as she continued, "It was a combined blood thinner and was also designed to target his central nervous system. The lacerations he received were shallow, but the drug would have intensified the pain. He lost so much blood from the wounds as they could not clot as easily."

John grimaced and frowned. Rodney's comment to him about his feelings a moment ago had been just like his old self. If it had taken all that pain and torture to snap him out of his low mood, John thought it was very strange. But the human mind worked in a way he could never understand. The sizable intellect sealed inside Rodney's head being even more mysterious to him.

Jennifer carried on, "The stab wound in his back was deep and worried us the most. He'll be left with a scar there and on his arm. His broken ribs are healing well, as is the deep bruising to his face and body. But the injuries he received should certainly not have bled or caused as much pain as they did and we're ill equipped to help him get over the emotional trauma of what happened."

John mulled her words over in his head, "So you want me to speak with him?"

Jennifer looked relieved, "If you could. As Rodney's friend I think it would be less painful if you told him. You obviously understand him better than I do and can deal with the response and help him heal from the effects.

John asked, "Does McKay know about the drug already?"

Jennifer frowned, "Not from me, but he might do. From what I've heard he's a very clever man."

John nodded and walked over to the door and opened it before proceeding across the infirmary and settling in the chair beside McKay's bed.

Rodney was still staring at the wall, but he was conscious and his eyes were wide.

John said light heartedly, "So, Rodney, what do you think of our new doctor? I'd say she's pretty good. Bringing you back from the brink of death like that. There's hope for her yet."

Rodney did not blink or move, but his lips parted and he said, "She's not Carson."

John rolled his eyes and deadpanned, "No, but she did a good job. You're still alive aren't you?"

The corners of Rodney's eyes tightened and he said, "Just about."

John was not satisfied with the half hearted response. He asked more forcefully, "Aren't you?"

Rodney swung his head over and glared at John as he snapped, "Yes. Yes, I am."

John nodded and kept his expression neutral, "Good."

Rodney frowned in confusion and glanced over at the lab behind John as he asked, "You were just talking about me weren't you?"

"Just about the drug Michael gave you."

"Oh, that…" Rodney breathed quietly and grimaced. "I swear even a pinprick would've knocked me down after he gave it to me."

"So, you did already know?"

"Yes, yes. I've got quite a sizeable brain in case you've forgotten?" Rodney's face fell and he looked down at himself sadly. "There was more though wasn't there?"

"Blood thinning," John admitted.

Rodney nodded and closed his eyes as he whispered, "I thought I'd died and gone to hell. But there was something there at the back of my mind the whole time, telling me it was all too real. It told me that I was still alive and needed to stay alive to give you more time to find me. I thought he was going to kill me. Part of me wishes he had and then I wouldn't have had to feel all that…"

John remained silent and let him speak.

Rodney opened his eyes, but kept them averted from John as he continued, "Now, I don't believe in God, the afterlife, heaven, hell and all that stuff. Like medicine, it seems like so much voodoo to me. I prefer a more… _scientific_ approach."

Rodney waved his free arm about in a wild gesture with his words, but he had to stop when the bandage around his bicep pulled. He sighed and looked down, "Just this once though, I put my disbelief aside, because the concepts of hell and purgatory were made all too real in that lab. Also, ashamed as I am to admit it, it was almost as though someone was there with me, whispering in my ear for me to hold on."

John narrowed his eyes, but kept listening as Rodney told him what happened.

"I don't understand it. M-maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me, because when I asked, 'Hold onto what, exactly?' There was no reply." Rodney sighed miserably and closed his eyes. "But what you said earlier. You were right. There's Jeannie… the people on Atlantis, Ronon, Teyla." Rodney's eyes flew widely open and he glared intensely at John. "Even you."

Sheppard put Rodney's candid speech down the cocktail of drugs he was on courtesy of Keller's latest recipe, but he could not help feeling touched by that last statement. John grabbed Rodney's uninjured hand and held on as he said, "Even me, huh? Thanks, McKay."

John furrowed his brow as he knew that it was not just the physical trauma still on Rodney's mind. He said slowly, "And I never told you how sorry I am about Carson, did I? Because I am."

Rodney's eyes became glassy as they filled with tears. After a while he said nasally, "If I'd just gone fishing with him that day… Had I done my job properly the night before and checked the scientists for radiation and, say, explosive tumour making radiation. None of this would've happened." His eyes suddenly brimmed over and tears leaked out and slowly rolled down his face. Rodney's breath caught and he closed his eyes.

John shook his head, "You can't blame yourself, Rodney. No-one knew what was going to go down that day. Who knows? You might have gone fishing, got to the mainland and then been recalled after the first bomb went off. Carson would've been in the infirmary anyway. He chose to stay behind and remove the tumour. You can't blame yourself for that."

"I-I should've done _something_," Rodney croaked.

"Using what?" John held his palms up and waved them about in time with his words, "The mystical psychic fortune telling powers of Nostradamus McKay?" He lowered his hands down to his lap and then reached up and took hold of McKay's free hand again. "You can't predict the future, Rodney, no-one's ever blamed you for what happened other than you."

Rodney smiled, despite the water tracking down his face making his bruised and swollen eyelids appear even more painful.

John blinked slowly and carried on, "I'm sorry about Elizabeth too. Part of me wants to believe that she's still alive out there somewhere. I know if it wasn't for you disobeying me she would be dead and gone, not just missing presumed dead." John squeezed Rodney's hand tightly and felt the pressure returned. "Now I'm glad you did what you did with the nanites or there wouldn't be any hope at all."

Rodney's tears stopped flowing and he let out a sigh and said, "I really wish you hadn't done that. My ribs hurt like some demon's playing them instead of a xylophone."

John smiled, "I thought you didn't believe in all that stuff?"

Rodney tensed up and whispered, "I do with all these drugs in my veins."

Keller came over and John unclasped his hand from Rodney's as she handed him a box of tissues. He wiped his own face and blew his nose and then offered the box to Rodney. He took one and dabbed at his eyes and winced.

Rodney closed his eyes and grimaced. John waited until his face relaxed and his breathing evened out in sleep.

He leant in again and hoped his voice would carry into Rodney's dreams as he said, "They both died doing what they do best. Safeguarding the city and everyone in it. It wasn't your fault. You can't save everyone no matter how brilliant you are."

John was glad that Rodney had not yet met the same fate, but he had come close, far too close many times. John hoped that the next time would not take him into 'one too many times' territory.

_**The End**_

**A/N** – _I thought there was so much left up in the air after the events of late Season 3 and early Season 4. It seemed that no-one ever spoke of what happened to Carson and Elizabeth. Rodney's grief was instantly forgotten in the next episodes along with the characters who had died to cause it. I hope this filled in a few gaps. Both for Rodney's character and the gratuitous whumper in me… Thanks for reading and (as always) I'd love to hear what you thought and whether you enjoyed it!_


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